Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
