I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize