Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
