hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
