can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
