A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I wear drunk well.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
