i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
