I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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