my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
