I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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