What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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