yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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