Taylor Swift is so right about you.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Randomize
