my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
