It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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