Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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