i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
