Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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