what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
