I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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