4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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