you guys were way drunker than both of me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
