I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
