she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
