I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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