life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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