ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
