I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
