I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize