apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
