And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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