this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
