Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
