Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I didn't notice because vodka
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
