If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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