I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
