I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
