Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
