capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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