My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
