your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize