then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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