I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
