Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
