i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
