i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
