I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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