Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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