I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
