Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
