the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
