I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize