I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
