Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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