is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You may now shotgun with the bride
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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