She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
