Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize