So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
