It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
