I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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