Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
