just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize