I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
