He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
