The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I want to have your abortion
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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